These came to me in an email today. Some funny stuff, especially  number 7 (my pet peeve!).

1. Everyone should play the same piece.

2. Stop at every repeat sign and discuss in detail whether to take the repeat or not. Listeners will love this!

3. Carefully tune your instrument before playing. That way you can play out of tune with a clear conscience.

4. Take your time turning pages.

5. The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note (and vice versa).

6. If everyone gets lost except you, follow those who get lost.

7. If a passage is difficult, slow it down. If it’s easy, speed it up. Everything will work itself out in the end.

8. If you are completely lost, stop and say, “I think we should tune.”

9. Happy are those who have not perfect pitch, for the kingdom of music is theirs.

10. If the ensemble has to stop because of you, explain in detail why you got lost. Everyone will be very interested.

11. A wrong note played timidly is a wrong note. A wrong note played with authority is an interpretation. [Actually, this is pretty much true! DR]

12. When everyone else has finished playing, you should not play any notes you have left.